Let me fill you in:
I feel like a turtle, I am in a complete shelled in mess! I will get through this, but I wanted to let y’all in. I promised myself that when I began my journey, I would take y’all alongside me, not only to show y’all the ups of getting healthy, but also to show y’all that life is not perfect.
I think a big part about being an “influencer” is making sure that you constantly are on your toes and posting and saying all the right things. It doesn’t all have to be this difficult, I have just become, numb.
What is right anymore?
Recently more than ever I have realized that you will never ever EVER be right by everyone. Whether we like it or not, the honest truth is that family, friends, enemies, and even strangers have their own standards and opinions.
My honesty: I have not been the best I can be to y’all, or myself. I have started to let the world around me consume my everyday thoughts and my daily routines. I have let negativity slowly crawl into some aspects into my life and it has finally reached its tipping point. I am so sorry to all of you, and I am sorry to myself.
This summer I tried to focus on getting back on track. I went out of town on my own personal oasis to find peace. I read books, I prayed, I walked, and actually I was doing much better.
Before I knew it, something else happened and my world felt like it was caving in.
Then, I hurt my back. I had to go in and have a small procedure, and sadly, it seems like it isn’t much better. I am actually in pain… which STINKS!
For some strange reason in my life when one thing starts to stress me out, I find one thousand other things that bother me, and then I get sick…. Before I knew it, I had bronchitis. **Bronchitis is basically suicide for my voice. I literally cannot sing which drives me up a wall, and then makes me more sad.
When I am sad, I think about sleeping, then I think about food, and then I start to make even more excuses. THEN THE CYCLE REPEATS.. Does this sound familiar????
I am creating excuses. When I had surgery I knew I was making a lifestyle change, and being healthy really has changed my life. The reality of me having surgery, is that while I did have a stomach surgery, I still have the same brain. The same thoughts go through my head. I am human. I feel like I am not only failing myself, but also everyone else. Let me tell you, if you haven’t had that feeling, it sucks.
Why am I writing all of this?
Many people reach out to me saying that they are abnormal for thinking like this. You feel like your world is ending, and you can’t do anything about it, right?
YOU ARE NORMAL. You are not crazy, you are not perfect, you simply are human.
Without making mistakes, we would never be able to learn.
It may look like losing weight can fix your problems. ** YES IT IS SO CRUCIAL TO BE HEALTHY.** BUT, let us not forget that also in order to be healthy on the outside we have to be healthy on the inside.
I am at a point today where I have decided to start taking everything one day at a time. To me that means: Getting rid of Hate, and deciding MY OWN fate.
Let go of the hate you have for the people that judge you, let go of the pain that you have pounding in your heart, let go of the evil and negativity that feels like cannot go away, forgive the people that have wronged you, and turn the other cheek. Every day flip the page, continue to write your own story, and think about why you are writing this story, and for WHOM you are writing it for. We all have our own paths, and we will meet MANY people along the way. The right people will WANT to stay in your life for a reason. If they aren’t there, also, there is a reason.. We have our own purposes in life, but I can promise your purpose is NOT to worry about why people don’t like you, or to sit and stare at a wall and say it is impossible. It is possible, you are capable, I am capable, I can do anything I put my mind to.. If I fail, and don’t succeed, try try and try again; because today, is only the first day of the REST of your life.
I am sorry, and I promise to y’all, and myself that I will keep on striving daily to be the best me I can be. I promise to focus on the reasons why I started my journey, and the reasons I decided to let go, and move on. I promise I will start to TRY again. It means everything in the world to me that y’all have stuck around in my journey, and been so incredibly supportive in more ways than you know.