No easy "weigh" out

In life, there is no easy way out. This week, I realized that. Having gastric bypass surgery, has completely changed my life. I would not trade it for the world. Yet, like all big decisions we make, I still question myself. 

As much as I would love for my journey to be about constant positivity, and happiness, it is not. I have had my fare share of "tantrums" over the past week. Thoughts of binging and cheating frequently cross my mind. It would be so easy to just pick up a darn cookie. I just want to be allowed to eat ONE bite of watermelon... BUT I cannot. 

Yes I can eventually eat fruit, but right now I am in the "soft food" stage of my diet. My meals consist of low fat cheese, low fat yogurt, low fat cottage cheese, hummus, fish, and eggs, eggs, eggs. I can have bananas because they are soft, but in severe moderation. Even though I can have "soft" foods, I have to be very careful eating specially healthy soft foods. Mayo for example, is soft... Mayo has also made me sooooo sick. Along with mayo, anything too high in sugar, fat, and carbs will make me have "dumping syndrome". 

Gastric bypass is commonly known for the term dumping syndrome. For those who don't know what that is, let me explain. Dumping syndrome after gastric bypass surgery is when food gets “dumped” directly from your stomach pouch into your small intestine without being digested. There are 2 types of dumping syndrome: early and late. Early dumping happens 10 to 30 minutes after a meal. Late dumping happens 1 to 3 hours after eating. Each has slightly different symptoms, such as abdominal cramping, fast heartbeat, lightheadedness, and getting sick. It is the WORST THING EVER. Hindsight is 20/20. You learn quickly what you can and cannot eat. Every person with #rnysurgery (gastric bypass) struggles differently with dumping syndrome. 

So back to me wanting to cheat... I could if I REALLY wanted to.. BUT I would get sick. I have melt downs, and sad days when I actually ball my eyes out because I can't eat what everyone else eats. I am an addict. The reason I can't cheat is because for me, this is my option. Before surgery I had the choice to chose between my life with modifications, or my short road to depression, gaining weight, and a painful death. I chose life. I CHOOSE life. I do struggle, but I am getting through this, one day at a time. Everyday, more than the last, I work hard on retraining my brain. I try to refocus my passion for food onto something that is not food related.  I did have a physical surgery on my stomach, but in my mind, it was more than that. My surgery is a mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional new lifestyle that I promised myself, and God. How do I get through this rough patch? I pray. I ask for strength, and guidance. I sing. I songwrite about being upset. Most importantly, as my mom says, "One day at a time." 

How do you cope? 

A New Chapter :)

My name is MC ... I am a 19 year old overweight singer with a dream, born and raised in Dallas, Texas. I pray I inspire other people, whether that be through my music or in my life. I have struggled with weight my whole entire life. I've been through it all: bullying, counseling, nutrition classes, fat camps, the newest fads, and even the Lap Band. But NOTHING has ever worked. Why you ask? 

I was never ready. 

This past year I've had many struggles with my Lap Band. I finally came to terms that I needed to have it removed. While in the process of figuring that out, I began to learn more and more about the gastric bypass. I wondered what made it so successful. I followed many accounts daily, waking up and going through hundreds of social media platforms to find out how it was so successful and what the downsides were. 

These past three months have been the hardest of my entire life. I was studying abroad through Berklee College of Music in Valencia. The original plan was to go back to Spain and live with my best friend, studying, traveling around the world, kicking butt in school, and having a great time. I firmly believe that God had bigger and better plans for me. Two days before my flight was leaving for Spain, I met with Dr. Davis, a brilliant gastric bypass surgeon from Baylor University Medical Center. After that meeting, it was as if the stars finally aligned. I now fully understood what I had to do. God was giving me a second chance at life.

I have stayed home this semester and decided that I am getting the gastric bypass. The reason this is different from any other time is, that this time, i'm not changing because of someone else. I'm not changing to feel happier, or to change my physical appreance. Yet, I'm only bettering myself. I am going on a life long journey, to figure out who I am.

People frequently ask me who are you? And I've come to terms with the truth.. which is, I don't entirely know yet. I know that I am MC, I'm not changing who I am, but I want to go on this journey to find out more about myself and more of who I am becoming. 

I want to be healthy: mentally, physically, and emotionally. I want to be motivated and finally I can say that I am. For the first time in my entire life, I can honestly say I'm happy. I'm genuinely happy, proud of my journey and so excited for my future. I know it is going to be very hard, but life isn't easy. 

I have gone through many many tests, met with psychologists and nutritionists. As opposed to the lapband, I am very prepared for this. During the past two weeks, I have been on a liquid diet (hence the protein shake video) and have lost 21 lbs. 

I hope that we can all go on this journey together. I don't want this to be a one-day blog. The one thing that would've helped me this past is to have realized that I am not alone. By doing this blog I will keep myself accountable and hopefully inspire those around me. I will be releasing more music, along with many videos on Instagram and Facebook. I promise to document this entire journey so that we could not only see this together, but in the end be the best we can. We all have our own issues, so let's come together as one and figure out how to solve them.
Throughout these few months I have learned a lot. My favorite realization: I am writing a book. I am writing my own book, and will continue to do so until I die. Today is the first page of a brand new exciting chapter. I am sure there will be bumps in the road, and tons and trials and errors, but without making mistakes, we will never learn to succeed. As my mother reminds me every day, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." Lets ALL choose to LIVE today, and continue to write our book.